Goodbye Luv
by AlabamaBound
Summary: Cal and Gillian have a past. I suck at summaries so to find out more you have to read...
1. Chapter 1

I know I'm in the middle of writing The Line, but I heard this song and well, I've always liked the thought of Gillian and Cal having a past together. This song seemed to fit. The song is Hands To Heaven by Breathe. Most likely a one shot....

_**As I watch you move, across the moonlit room  
There's so much tenderness in your loving  
Tomorrow I must leave, the dawn knows no reprieve  
God give me strength when I am leaving...**_

Cal watched as Gillian walked towards him. He felt the lump in his throat and tried to swallow, but couldn't. He'd known this day was coming for awhile now. He was being called back to Washington D.C. He wished that he could run away with her and make a life together, but he knew that was impossible. He had commitments to keep and those couldn't be put aside for the sake of love. So, he swallowed hard as he gathered her in his arms and hugged her tightly.

He kissed her and whispered, "Hello luv."

_**So raise your hands to heaven and pray  
That we'll be back together someday  
Tonight, I need your sweet caress  
Hold me in the darkness  
Tonight, you calm my restlessness  
You relieve my sadness**_

She whispered softly, "I wish there was some way to be together forever. I wish..."

He knew what she wished. He wished it too, but where he was going and what he was going to be doing was no place for her. No place for a married man. It was better for everyone if he remained single. He had no right to ask her to wait for him. So, he simply held her in the darkness of the room.

_**As we move to embrace, tears run down your face  
I whisper words of love, so softly  
I can't believe this pain, it's driving me insane  
Without your touch, life will be lonely**_

He held her face in his hands and simply kissed her through the tears. She didn't try to wipe them away. Didn't try to stop them from falling down her cheeks. She simply let them fall. As naturally as the rain would. She knew that her tears made her weak, but she didn't care. Her heart was breaking and she wouldn't have been able to stop it for anything. Even if someone had held a gun to her head, it would have been impossible for her to stop the tears from forming in her eyes and falling down her cheeks.

_**So raise your hands to heaven and pray  
That we'll be back together someday  
Tonight, I need your sweet caress  
Hold me in the darkness  
Tonight, you calm my restlessness  
You relieve my sadness**_

She felt Cal kiss her cheeks. Almost as if he was trying to kiss her tears away. It only served to make her cry harder. Finally, she gathered him in her arms and held him tightly. She was afraid that if she let go of him, he would disappear forever. As it was, he was leaving her. She wanted to to believe that maybe one day, they would and could have a future together, but she knew that once he left her apartment tonight, their relationship, affair or whatever it was would be over. Possibly forever.

She looked at him and whispered, "Make love to me Cal. One last time."

Cal nodded wordlessly and started removing his clothes. While she did the same. It was something they'd done a thousand times, but it felt like the first time. It would be the last time and she wanted to remember it forever.

_**Morning has come, another day  
I must pack my bags and say goodbye... **_

Morning came all too quickly. Cal got out of bed and packed his things. He felt Gillian's eyes on him and nearly stopped and stayed when he heard her whisper, "I will always remember the time we had together Cal. I will love you forever."

He had to swallow the lump in his throat as he bent down to kiss her. He whispered, "You'll find someone to make you forget me."

"Never."

"I'm not what you need luv. You need someone that is perfect for you."

"Your perfect for me Cal."

"You only think I am luv. Goodbye."

And with a final kiss, the book of love closed on Cal and Gillian's love affair....


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N1-Okay, since I had a few people ask for an update, I decided to go ahead and write one. I hope you enjoy it.**

**A/N2- Forgot to mention that the first chapter of the story took place awhile ago. Before Cal met and married Zoe.**

**Another short chapter tease until we get to the good stuf...LOL! I hope you enjoy and thanks for the reviews. They help inspire me. I hope you enjoy. I promise that it will get better and juicier soon....**

***Gast Forward 12 years, 5 years before the start of the show***

Gillian Foster stood in front of the bulidng where she was now going to be working. She sighed as she questioned her wisdon of working here. She couldn't turn down the incredible salary and prestige that working with Cal Lightman would bring. However, she knew that was going to come with a heavy price. Her emotions were in a jumble as she opened the door and walked inside.

She'd thought that her world would shatter when Cal had walked out on her all those years ago. She'd wanted to run after him and beg him to stay. She wanted to tell him that they could work everything out. That it didn't matter what he did for a living. She'd loved him more than she'd ever loved another man. Before or since, but she knew that she couldn't ask him to stay or to try and work things out.

When she'd heard through a group of friends that he'd married, she'd went home that night and nearly killed herself. It was only the thought of what it would do to her friends and family that stopped her. So, she pulled herself up and decided that she was going to stop pining for Cal Lightman. He'd obviously forgotten all about her. It was time that she do the same.

So, despite her family and friends warnings, she married Alec Foster on a bleak winter morning. They'd moved to Washington shortly afterwards. She'd kept tabs on Cal's career. She was surprised when she'd received a call from his secretary one morning. She was being offered a position with his firm. Gillian's first instinct was to refuse. She'd finally put her painful relationship with Cal behind her. She knew that going to work would open up fresh wounds.

When she was told the salary, Gillian knew that she couldn't and wouldn't refuse. So, that's what led to her standing here wondering again for the hundreth time that morning. She shook her head and walked inside the building. There was nothing more that Cal could do to her. He'd already broken her heart all those years ago and a million times in between.

So, she put on a brave face and walked inside the Lightman Group building and towards her future...


	3. Chapter 3

Gillian smiled as she walked inside the building. She noticed that Cal was nowhere to be found. She was both relieved and crushed. She wanted to get their hello's done and over with so that she could get down to business.

She walked over to the receptionist and introduced herself, "Hello. I'm Doctor Gillian Foster. Is Cal Lightman around?"

"Hello Doctor Foster. Lightman is in his office. Let me show you the way."

Gillian simply nodded and followed her to his office. Her heartbeat increased dramatically. She thought she was going to pass out. She felt lightheaded, but refused to give into her feeling of panic. Instead, she took a few steady breaths and put on another bright smile. She looked much braver than she felt. She wanted to turn around and run from the building. Instead, she let each footstep pull her closer to him. Closer to the man that broke her heart all those years ago. The only man that she truly loved.

When she saw him again, the tears threatened to fall from her eyes. Her breath caught in her throat and she felt the incredible urge to reach out and touch his face. To see if the old spark was there. He was still incredibly good looking.

Soon, they were left alone. Standing in the middle of his office. Neither spoke for a few seconds. Finally Cal said, "It's wonderful to see you again luv. I didn't think you'd want to come work here."

"I almost didn't, but I couldn't turn down the money."

"Is that the only reason?"

"Can't think of any other."

"Okay."

"Look Cal. We're both adults here. Your married, I'm married. Let's just pretend that we're collegues. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Just like we never loved at all. Right?"

"Right. I'm glad we can both act like mature adults."

"Yeah. Mature adults."

"How is Zoe anyway?"

"Good. At least I hear that she's good. We're getting divorced."

Gillian was taken by surprise. She'd never expected that. Before she could say anything, a tall brunette walked into the room followed by her ten year old daughter. She looked at Gillian and said, "So this is her?"

"She has a name. Zoe, this is Gillian Foster. Gillian, this is Zoe."

Gillian puts on a brave smile and says, "Hello. It's so nice to meet you."

"I know." She turns to Cal and says, "Look, I know your _busy_ with your new employee, but I have to go out of town. I have to drop of Emily. I'm sorry."

Cal had a look on his face and said, "Like I don't have a business to run Zoe. You planned this. I know you did!!"

Gillian watches them arguing she looks at the little girl behind Zoe. She crooks her finger towards her and whispers, "How about if you show me where I can get something delicious to eat."

Emily smiled and said, "There's a place downstairs. They have good slushes."

"How about if we let your parents fight it out and we'll go grab one?"

Emily looked at her mom and dad and bit her bottom lip. She was torn. She didn't want to listen to her parents fighting, but she didn't want to make them mad either. She looked at Gillian and said, "We should tell them that we're going."

Gillian nodded and said, "Emily and I are going downstairs. Bye."

Before either adult could respond, Gillian took Emily's hand and walked to the elevator. She pushed the button and soon they were on their way downstairs.

Cal and Zoe were left stunned. Finally Zoe said, "She'll fit in good here."

"What in bloody hell do you mean?"

"She does what she wants and doesn't ask first. Just like you."

With that, Zoe turned and left the office. Leaving Cal standing there alone in the middle of his office.

Soon afterwards, Gillian and Emily came back upstairs and Gillian found her office. She really didn't want to see Cal right now, but knew that she needed to. So, she told Emily, "You can stay here while I talk to your dad."

Emily seemed fine with that. Gillian smiled and walked back to Cal's office.

She found him sitting at his desk. He was staring at the door and said, "It's nice that you could join me again. Now, do you actually want to work today or are we going to spend that day entertaining my daughter?"

Gillian's feathers ruffled at that comment and she said, "Well, it was better than having her listen to her parents arguing over something as innocent as her coming to stay with you! Honestly, you'd think two grown adults would know better!"

Cal looked at her and said, "You right, but let's get one thing straight, I'm the boss and your the employee and as such you have to remember that there are certain things you don't do."

"Such as?"

"Such as bringing up our past. It's over with."

"You made that clear twelve years ago Cal. When you walked out of the apartment and never looked back. You broke my heart into a million pieces. I didn't think I'd ever get over you."

"Obviously you did. You've been married for what, ten years now?"

The words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them, "I married Alec to try and forget you...."

Cal didn't know what to say. She looked at him and said, "It hasn't worked, but I try every day to forget about you and how much your leaving nearly killed me. I won't justify anything to you. I was just trying to protect your daughter from seeing her parents act like a couple of idiots! And if that bothers you then you know what?"

"What?"

"Tough!! You might be my new boss, but I still have a mind and a heart! No thanks to you!! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to my office to get acquainted with everything. Good day sir!!"

Cal watched as Gillian left the room. He felt as if he'd been run over by a very heavy semi truck. He shook his head and sat down to look over some papers he'd printed out earlier.....


	4. Chapter 4

Gillian sat in her office staring out the window. She felt a single tear slide down her cheek. She wiped it away angrily. She'd already broken the one promise she'd made to herself before she came to work here. She promised herself that she wouldn't let him see her get upset. She was glad that he wasn't here to see her tears. She wished that she could for the day that he said goodbye to her.

She heard his footsteps before he said anything. She willed herself to swallow her tears and tried to compose herself before turning around to face him.

"Can we talk?"

She nodded and with a hint of sarcasm in her voice said, "You're the boss."

He looked at her silently for a few seconds before he said, "I'm sorry."

"For?"

"Getting so upset at you when you took Emily downstairs. I shouldn't have..."

"You're right. You shouldn't have. I'm not twelve Cal. If we're going to work together despite our past, you're going to have to trust me. You broke my heart once, I won't let you do it again."

"Gill, I..."

"Don't. Don't call me that."

"What?"

"Gill. You used to call me that when we made love. I can't believe that you'd forget. It hurts too much to hear it now. I don't let anyone call me that."

He walked over to her desk and sat in the chair in front of it. He looked at her and wondered if he'd made a mistake in asking her to join him. He hadn't forgotten. He couldn't forget anything about the months that they'd had together. Finally he whispered, "You moved on. You married Alec."

Gillian swallowed and said, "I only married him to try and forget."

"Forget? Forget what?"

"I wanted to forget how much you hurt me. You always said that you couldn't get married. The truth is, you didn't want to marry me. You didn't love me. You married Zoe barely a year after you left me."

Cal looked at her with an unreadable expression. How could he tell her that he hadn't wanted to marry Zoe? He hadn't loved her. Not really. Not the way that a husband should love his wife. There was only one person that he loved like that. That person was Gillian. He'd bever felt a love like that with Zoe. With her, it had been all about sex. There wasn't any love involved. They'd only gotten married because she'd gotten pregnant. How he'd wished that it would've been Gillian. He would've married her in a heartbeat. When he'd heard that she'd married Alec seven years ago, he knew then that all hopes of ever winning her back were over. So, he'd tried to make the best of his failing marriage.

Cal looked at her and whispered, "I've always loved you. From the very first day we met."

Gillian looked at him and whispered, "Then why did you marry Zoe? You couldn't have loved me too much? Do you know what it did to me? How it made me feel?"

"I..."

"I wanted to die. I cried for hours. I hated how weak it made me. I hate that, even after you married her, I still loved you. I still love you."

Cal swallowed and whispered, "You love me?"

Gillian nodded and said, "Yeah, I do. And there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. I'm married to Alec. He loves me and I guess that some part of me loves him."

Cal and Gillian looked at each other and something passed between them. Cal whispered, "I...

Gillian looked at him and whispered, "The worst part is that there isn't a damn thing I can do about my feelings for you. I refuse to be unfaithful to him."

"I wouldn't ask you to do that luv."

"We are co-workers and nothing else."

"Exactly."

"Exactly."

"We need to remember that. I love you, but there are so many other people that we'd hurt if we give in to our feelings."

Gillan sighed and said, "If only this was twelve years ago. I would've ran after you and never let you go... I wish I would've fought for you."

Cal smiled and said, "I guess that we'll never know."

"I guess not."

Gillian and Cal smile at each other as the scene ends.....

Love it? Hate it? Want more? Let me know...


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